The Things We Save For Last

I stopped treating curiosity as an afterthought and made it the foundation of my life.

A personal study in prioritizing self-discovery through curiosity, my routines that turned into rituals, and my rejection of treating our joys as secondary, as spare time.

Hello my darlings! I’ve been writing this one for a while and I’m so excited to finally share with you.

I’ve had one particular phrase snagged on my mind: spare time. What does it mean, when we say it? Easy enough, you may say, spare time is the time to do things you get to enjoy after completing all necessary actives and tasks of the day.

Understandable, however, why do we allow for our passions, curiosities, intellectual pursuits to be categorized as such? If these are in fact, the side-dishes of life, then why we expected to wake up at 50 experiencing the dreaded mid-life crisis?

I believe that we need to have a little more loving respect for ourselves.

Our curiosities, interests, intellectual pursuits, are what make life worth living— they make us who we are. The more of these we find and explore, the more ourselves we become. Even our indulgences, our little obsessions, our silly little shows, they’re all apart of what sustains us. I’m here to proclaim that I believe it’s the stuff that makes the important things, important— what makes life worth living!

Parts of the Whole

• Form (your physical being— health, style, fitness, beauty)

• Fortitude (your mind— learning, discipline, knowledge)

• Fervor (your essence- passions, rituals, the intangible)

FORM!

My form is something I paradoxically try hard not to try hard on. It’s very important to me, and I want to feel as light and free as possible. Sometimes this takes form in a type of clothing I wear, but overall, the freedom I’m working toward is being able to grab any pair of pants, a top, and have them go together. After the core fit is donned, I select my shoes for the day— any will do, but ones that are a bit loud tend to be my favorite. From there I stack my jewelry and I try to have new earring stacks a few times a week, or at least a different order. If I love the current order, they remain until I get bored. Same with my necklaces, I tend to wear the same necklace for a few weeks at a time, longer if my adoration is severe, as was the case with my heaven bear necklaces. When those go on, they likely wont come off for a few weeks.

When I get home from work, I take off my work clothes and put on a housefit, which is what I call a collection of outfits I have that I try not to wear outside my home. This works in a couple ways for me, as when I take off all of my daily clothing and change into my evening wear, I then have the chance to put everything away, and pull my outfit for the next day as clothing— form and function are top of mind. I pull pants, a layer and a top, a couple options for shoes and usually leave my jewelry until tomorrow, unless their is a piece that significantly stands out now that I don’t want to forget in the morning.

I am fervent about my skincare, and I take great pride in having mastered my little routines.

Every day when I get home from the 9-5 I wash my face, apply a mask, brush my teeth, and put on my evening serums and creams. You may think this means I’m getting ready for bed, however as a night owl, I’ve found that adjusting my ritual to be earlier in the day works so much better. I end up (usually) brushing my teeth thrice instead of the regular two, I get everything off my skin from the subway and the slightly toxic new york air, and I feel quite fresh as I move into my nightly rhythms and routines. Additionally, I realized when I did my skincare right before bed, some of my product was absorbing into my pillows! Shudder.

FORTITUDE!

As of late, I have developed some new routines that I am quite fond of. As someone who used to think very negatively about the idea of a ‘routine’, I’ve come to understand that creating a ritual around it makes me not only look forward to the activity, but it creates a different kind of pathway in my mind that steers away from ‘I have to do this, its necessary’, to ‘I want to do this, its peaceful’. That shift has altered many of my thought processes.

After my clothing is laid out, my skincare is complete, I slip on my headphones and play theta waves at a volume that drowns everything else out. I take a stick of insence and light it, sitting down at my coffee table with my notebooks, pencils and absolutely nothing else in the background. I watch the stick slowly burn, the swirls of smoke furling out towards me. I sit like this for around 5-7 minutes, and if the mood strikes me, I turn to my journal and free-write any ideas that come to me. It’s important to not allow any outside influence, including any thoughts of my own, to impede on this process. I give no attention to misspellings, if this idea is worth writing down, if this sounds silly, nothing. Anything I think, I write. I tend to write until I discover something new. This takes me around 10-12 minutes, the whole ritual lasting around 20 minutes each day. It’s calming, peaceful, and since I have placed no pressure on ‘what’ I’m supposed to write, or what my ‘goal’ would be, it serves as my digital detox and daily palette cleanser.

I’m an avid reader, and like to have a few different books at hand. Some for pure enjoyment, usually a fantasy series. Some for learning about theories or ideas I find interesting, with one that is usually a longer study that I take my time to annotate. This can take me anywhere from a month to a year, depending on the length and detail I want to incorporate into my readings / learnings. I am greatly stimulated by the intellectual process, and try not to assign any timelines to my readings so that I can get the most enjoyment out of it. This is the same way I feel about my nightly stretches (which I am working on actually doing each evening), but if I take 5 minutes or 15, it’s still better than 0, and that makes me feel very accomplished.

FERVOR!

My favorite! I supposed you could say that this is comprised of, and not separated from, the first two— however, while the first two support this, it’s entirely separate. These are things that I do to enter into a flow state, I almost think of them as accessories to my soul. They’re things that help define who I am and what I love to do, how I love to play and think.

Taking time to cater to comfort, such as applying a body oil after a shower, taking in the scent and breathing it in slowly. Reading a fantasy book and getting lost inside of a new realm. Taking care of my plants, watching something silly like a cartoon or a re-run so I can giggle, figuring out the components of a new dish I want to make, or simply making the pasta for the next day because it’s a bit cold out, and that sounds divine.

Fervor to me is the assembly of my favorite little in-between moments that make life worth living. Hobbies that stretch my imagination, things that have zero value to anything except myself. It’s usually within these moments that I feel myself drifting away to a very calm state, and there are frequent times in these moments where an idea comes to me that I hadn’t thought of before.

To romanticize life is to make it a dance—running out to get a loaf of bread, having to go out again because I forgot butter, all of these moments give me a chance to bounce around and play in a way that I thought was restricted to children, those devoid of responsibility. In truth, I have found that by taking great joy and pride in pushing my rock up the mountain, I have be able to ward off the bruises and strains that used to accompany it.

Now, if I forget another ingredient, I think to myself what a wonderful time to listen to my favorite song again, or this is a great time to call my friend back, or listen to that voice note.

How fun is it, to live at all?

Critically yours, Alexandra Diana, The A List