The Architect: The cost of knowing exactly who you are
The psychology of being misunderstood, and why it makes you the best dressed person in every room
You've been called vain. Conceded. High-maintenance.
The fact that you’re so calm while looking so distinct makes people irritated. They fixate on what you wear, and incorrectly assume (project), that you dressed for them. For their reaction, to cause a stir. You just dress for attention! You just can’t help yourself, can you?
The assumption that you’re performing is the greatest irony, because the way you look at it, that’s what everyone else is doing. They all have the same style, pulled from the same Pinterest board, inspired by the same group of 5 basic celebrities. They all shop at the same places, wear the same colors, and relish in the knowledge that their wardrobes are infinitely interchangeable.
The truth of the matter is you couldn’t care less what they think. Not in a calloused, jaded way, and certainly not because you feel their eyes bulging out of their skulls, but because dressing for approval is something you’re just not able to do, anymore. It brings you no joy, no peace. You’ve never felt that sense of pride from looking ‘like you should.’ You dress the way you do because it’s who you are; your thoughts, emotions, your character, your personality. To put it simply: You stopped needing external validation a long time ago.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are"
Carl Jung
To most people, you simply look very well dressed. To the ones paying closer attention, you look like something rarer... but even that doesn’t quite capture it.
What you actually look like, to the people who understand what they’re seeing, is someone who dresses for who they are, and not who they think they should be.
In a world experiencing an epidemic of sameness, you create an irresistible, magnetic pull.
You don’t change how you look based on the season, who you’re going to see, what kind of event you’re going to. You’re not influenced by trends or swayed by dress codes, and this kind of inner certainty radiates from you no matter where you are. You have a point of view so developed, and so genuinely yours that it brings out the best and the worst of everyone else. It’s almost like a magic spell: the very fact that you are so secure makes other people believe they could be, too. Some find it unsettling. Some think you’re obnoxious. To the few you’re a hero while the masses see a villain, but no matter how they feel, the one thing no one can do is take their eyes off you.
People assume the way you get dressed is certain: that you pull the right thing off the hanger instantly, never second-guessing your choices. In reality, far more goes into it. Each day presents a new experience, a new feeling, a new way to express who you are and what you’d like to say. Getting dressed is a daily act of authorship. You’re not bothered with the traditional qualms of what looks good, what would be best, what anyone else is wearing. Rather, you’re wondering if what you’re putting on is an accurate representation of who you are, today. Not last year, not in theory, but right now, here, now. For most people this question never enters their mind, but for you, it’s the only question that matters. Because when something feels off, the discomfort hits your integrity. Wearing something that isn’t you feels like a betrayal of yourself.
The discomfort of being misunderstood is something you can live with. The discomfort of misrepresenting yourself is not.
Being an Architect certainly comes with a cost, and the tax is high.
The first is how other people read you. Because you don’t look to the people around you to confirm your choices, some people experience you as distant, or assume you think you’re better than them. This isn’t the case. You just already know what you believe, and you don’t need outside reinforcement to be sure. Understand that most people in the world don’t operate this way. They rely predominantly on this kind of back-and-forth reassurance to feel confident and self-assured. Because of this, they project a feeling of coldness, arrogance, or indifference onto you that isn’t actually there. This very quality makes some people trust you immediately, and it makes others decide they don’t like you before you’ve said a word.
The shadow version and what other’s can’t replicate, now.
The Architect is often confused with two other archetypes: The Performer and The Seeker. All three dress deliberately, however the differences are significant:
The Performer dresses deliberately, but needs you to notice. External validation is necessary, it is proof of their authorship.
The Seeker dresses deliberately because they’re emergent, they’re discovering who they are.
The Architect dresses deliberately because they already know. They’re not discovering. They’re not performing. They’re expressing. Above all, they have nothing to prove.
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If you recognize yourself in this description, you may be the rarest archetype of all. You may also be surprised by who you actually are.
Next month we're breaking down the most stylish person you know, the one who has been paying very close attention to everything you wear for a very long time.
With great personal aesthetic,
Alexandra Diana, The A List
